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q: why does a man have a hole in his penis
a: to get oxygen into his brain
Q: What kind of file do you need to turn a 15mm hole into a 40mm hole?
A: A pedophile.
Q: What's a pedophile's favorite part of a hockey game?
A: Before the First Period.
Q: How do you swat 200 flies at one time
A: Hit an Ethiopian in the face with a frying pan.
Q: What is a redneck virgin?
A: A seven year old that can run faster than her brothers.
Q: What do you throw a Mexican man when he's drowning?
A: His wife and kids.
Q: Why is a Black mans eyes always red after sex?
A: From the mace
Q: Why did Helen Keller's dog kill itself?
A: You would too if you were named Auuurraaagggghhh!
Q: What is the most positive thing in harlem?
A: HIV
Q: How do you drown a black preson?
A: Pop their lips.
Q: Why do Jewish girls like to fuck doggy style?
A: They can't stand to see somebody else have a good time.
Q: Whats the difference between a blonde and a mosquito?
A: One stops sucking when you slap it.
Q: Who are the two most famous black women?
A: Aunt Jemima and Mother Fucker.
Q: What's long, black and smelly?
A: An unemployment line.
Q: What do you call a Puerto Rical midget?
A: A spec.
Q: What's the difference between a British man and his girlfriend?
A: His girlfriend has a higher sperm count.
Q: Why is there so little Puerto Rican literature?
A: Because spray paint wasn't invented until 1949.
Q: What did Dodi Al-Fayed say to his driver the morning before the crash?
A: Do you want to go out with me and Di tonight?
Q. How do you know if a Chinese person robbs your house?
A. Your homework is done, your computer is upgraded, but two hours later, the fucker is still trying to back out of your
driveway.
Q: What's the difference between a black man and a pizza?
A: A pizza can feed a family of four.
Q: Why is it so hard for Mexican women to get pregnant?
A: Because as soon as the sperm enters the cell it tries to hang itself.
Q: How do you starve a black man?
A: hide his foodstamps under his workboots.
Q: What's the first thing a redneck says after losing her virginity?
A: Get off of me Dad, you're crushing my cigarettes.
Q: What do rednecks and KFC have in common?
A: They do chicken right.
Q: In Kentucky, what do divorces and tornados have in common.
A: Either way, someone is going to lose a trailer.
Q: Why do the Scottish wear kilts?
A: Because a sheep can hear a zipper from like a mile away.
Q: What does a Cuban do when he gets a flat tire?
A: Drowns
Q: Two (insert favorite ethnic group here) jump off the top of a very tall building. Which one his the ground first?
A: Who gives a fuck?
Q: What's so good about an Ethiopian blow-job?
A: You know she'll swallow.
Q: Why did the redneck cross the road?
A: Because he coundn't get his dick out of the chicken.
Q: What does a redneck say after sex?
A: Thanks Mom.
Q: What do you call an Ethiopian with a yeast infection?
A: Quarter pounder with cheese.
Q: How do you kill 100 Mexicans?
A: Blow up their van.
Q: What do you call five Mexicans on the bottom of a pool?
A: Sinko
Q: What's black and blue and hates sex?
A: A rape victim.
Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a washing machine?
A: They both drip when they're fucked.
Q: What did the little black boy say when he got diarrhea?
A: I'm melting!
Q: Why do black people smell?
A: So blind people can hate them too.
Q: What do you call a fat chinese person?
A: A chunk.
Q: What did the little Mexican boy get for christmas?
A: My bike.
Q: How are fat bitches and Mo-peds the same?
A: They are both fun to ride, but you don't tell your friends about them.
Q: How many house wives does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None! what the Fuck they doing out of the kitchen!?
Q: How do you blindfold a chinese person?
A: Dental floss.
Q: What's the difference between a jew and a pizza?
A: A pizza doesn't scream when you put it in the oven!
Q: How many jews can you fit in a VW Beetle?
A: 54, two in the front, two in the back, and fifty in the ashtray.
Q: Why do black people play basketball?
A: They can run, shoot, and steal
Q:What did Adolf Hitler get his neice for her birthday?
A: An easy bake oven.
Q:What would the Jetsons be called if they were black?
A: Niggers.
Q: What's the difference between St. Patrick's Day and Martin Luther King Day?
A: On St. Patrick's Day, everyone wants to be Irish.
Q: What do you call an Ethiopian on a hunger strike?
A: Ethiopian
Q: Why don't Puerto Ricans have check books?
A: Because it's impossible to sign your name that small with spray paint.
Q: How do you know when a redneck has her period?
A: She's only wearing one sock.
Q: What do you call an ethiopian with buck teeth?
A: A rake.
Q: What do you call an ethiopian wearing a turban?
A: Aq-tip.
Q: What's this? (pinches skin on both sides of neck)
A: An ethiopian eating a cornflake.
Q: Why do they put shit around the church at a packy wedding?
A: To keep the flies off the bride.
Q:How do you stop 5 black guys from raping a white girl?
A:Throw them a basket ball.
Q: What do you call a hooker with a runny nose?
A: Full
Q: What does FUBU really stand for?
A: Farmers Use'ta Beat Us.
Q:Whats the difference between a pakie & a bucket of shit?
A:The bucket.
Q:What do you call a pakie with a wooden leg?
A:Shit on a stick.
Q:What do you call a pakie with two wooden legs?
A:A waste of wood.
Q: What do you call an ethiopian jumping off a cliff?
A: A chocolate drop.
Q: How do you get 100 jews into a car?
A: Throw a quarter in it.
Q: How do you get them out again?
A: Tell them Hilter is driving.
Q: What do you call two ethiopians in a sleeping bag?
A: Twix.
Q: How do you get 100 ethiopians into a phone box?
A: Throw a tin of beans in.
Q: How do you get them out?
A: Run past with a tin opener.
Q: Why do arabian women put a red dot on their foreheads?
A: Helps for better aiming.
Q: What do you do after you rape a 12 year old deaf dumband blind girl?
A: Brake her fingers so she cant tell her mom.
Q: Why doesn't Mexico enter the Olympics?
A: Because all their best runners, jumpers and swimmers are in America.
Q: How did the Grand Canyon get there?
A: Two Jews dropped a quarter down a gopher hole.
Q: How do you kill a redneck?
A: Wait 'till he fucks his sister then cut the brakes on his house.
Q: How do you kill 100 Ethiopians?
A: Throw a Biscuit off a clif.
Q: What do you do when you see someone having a seizure in a bathtub?
A: Throw in a load of dirty laundry.
Q: What is the difference between Michael Jackson and a grocery bag?
A: One is made of plastic and is dangerous for children to play with. The other is used to carry groceries.
Q: How do you really piss off your girlfriend while having sex?
A: Call her on the phone.
Q: What did the pedophile say when he was released from prison?
A:"I feel like a kid again."
Q: What do you get when cross an Italian with a gorilla?
A: A retarded gorilla.
Q: What's the difference between a gay man and a freezer?
A: Freezer doesn't fart when you pull the meat out.
Q: What do you tell a woman with two black eyes?
A: Nothing you already done told her twice.
Q: Why could Jesus walk on water?
A: Shit Floats.
Q: What do you get wne you cross a black man and a mexican.
A: A person who's too lazy to steal.
Q: (hold hands out like a crucifiction) What's this?
A: A really bad way to spend easter
Q: What was good about the million man march?
A: Only three people missed work.
Q: What do you do when your womans watch breaks?
A: Nothing there's a clock on the stove.
Q: Why aren't there any puerto ricans on Star Trek?
A: They won't work in the future either.
Q: How do you fit 4 queers on a barstool?
A: Flip it upside-down.
Q: What do you call a blacks in a sleeping bag?
A: Snickers.
Q: What do you call two blacks in a sleeping bag?
A: Twix.
Q: What do you call a black and a white girl in a sleeping bag?
A: Rape.
Q: What's the useless skin around a vagina called?
A: The woman.
Q: Why are KFC and a woman the same?
A: When you're done eating them all you have left is a greasy box to put your bone in.
Q: How do you keep an indian out of your back yard?
A: Move the trash cans to the front.
Q: Why did God give women three more brain cells than cows?
A: So they don't shit on the floor while doing the dishes.
Q: Why is tylenol white and not black?
A: It works.
Q: Why do Jews have big noses?
A: Because air is free.
Q: Why do Black people have sex doggy style?
A: So they can both watch Soul Train!
Q: What's a homless woman use for a vibrator?
A: Two flies in a bottel.
Q: Why was helen keller such a bad driver?
A: She was a woman
Q: How's a packie keep the flies off her food?
A: Opens her legs.
Q: What is a nickname for a chinese person?
A: Sleepwalker.
Q: How can you tell when an Etiopian is pregnant
A: Her tampon is half eaten
Q: Do you wanna hear a joke?
A: Women's Rights.
Q: Whats the new definition for mass confusion?
A: Fathers day in harlem.
Q: Whats the difference between a black man and a bike?
A: Your bike doesnt start singing when you put chains on it
Q: Whats the difference between real Jesus and a picture of Jesus?
A: It only takes one nail to hang up the picture.
Q: Why shouldn't women have driver's licenses?
A: There's no roads between the kitchen and the bedroom.
Q: What do you call a Mexican with a sunburn?
A: A REFRIED BEAN
Q: What do you call a white Orgy?
A: A snowball
Q: What do you call a Black Orgy?
A: Mud Wrestling
Q: What do you call a Mexican Orgy?
A: FAMILY REUNION!
Q: Did you hear about the Taliban members that they found in Harlem?
A: They caught Bin Stealin', Bin Rapin' and Bin' Bangin'. However, Bin Workin' is still at large.
Q: What's the difference between a Jew and a Canoe?
A: A canoe tips
Q: What do 3 million abused women do wrong every year?
A: They dont fucking listen
Q: What do you call a black priest?
A: Holy shit
Q: What's the worst thing about eating vegetables?
A: Putting them back in the wheelchair when you're done.
Q: How do you circumcise a redneck?
A: Kick his sister in the chin.
Q: Whats black and drips down the window?
A: Coondensation
Q: What do you call a bunch of white guys running down a hill?
A: An avalance.
Q: What do you call a bunch of black guys running down a hill?
A: A mudslide
Q: What do you call a bunch of mexicans running down a hill?
A: A jailbreak
Q: Why are black peoples palms white?
A:Because theres a little bit of good in everyone!
Im not racist i have a color tv.
Q: Why does helen keller masturbate with one hand?
A: So she can moan with the other
Q: What do Ethiopeians use for deoderant?
A: Chapstick
Q: Why are black peoples palms white?
A: Cuz they were up against the wall when god was spray painting them.
Q: Did you hear about the chinese couple that had a retarted baby?
A: Yea, they named it, Sum Ting Wong!!
Q: What do black people get when they pick thier nose?
A: Noogers!!
Q: Have you heard about the new car designed by the Jews?
A: It stops on a dime and then picks it up
Q: What do u call 4 mexicans in quicksand?
A: Cuatro sinco.
Q: How many irish does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: 2, one to hold it in place and the other to drink intill the room spins.
Q: Did you hear about the two car pile up in Mexico?
A: 200 Mexicans died.
Q: What does the human race and jelly beans have in common?
A: Nobody likes the Black ones.
Q: How do you know if an italian has been in your back yard?
A: Your garbage is knocked over and your dog is preagnent.
Q: What's the difference between a black man and a pizza?
A: A pizza can feed a family of 4
Q: How many women does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: None,they just sit in the dark and bitch
Q: What is the difference between a Russian and a bag of shit?
A: Nothing
Q: Why is the black power sign a clenched fist?
A: So they dont fall off the trees.
Q: Whats the difference between a pregnant woman and a light bulb?
A: You can unscrew a light bulb.
Q: What's the best thing about fucking homeless girls?
A: When you're done, you can drop 'em off anywhere.
Q: What did Hitler Give his Daughter for Christmas?
A: An easy bake oven.
Q: Why did hitler kill himself?
A: He got his gas bill.
Q: What do fags call their balls?
A: "Mud flaps"
Q: What happens when you stick your hand in a bowl full of black jelly beans?
A: You get your watch stolen.
Q: Whats long and hard on a black man?
A: The first grade.
Q: What's the difference between a black man and Batman going to a deli?
A: Batman can go to a Deli without Robin!
Q: Why did Raggedy Ann get kicked out of the toy box?
A: She sat on Pinocchio' s face and said "lie to me!"
Q: What do you get when you cross Raggedy Ann with the Pillsbury dough boy?
A: Ared headed bitch with a yeast infection.
Q: What happened when the jew walked into the wall with a hard-on?
A: He broke his nose.
Q: How do you get a nun pregnant?
A: Dress her up like an altarboy.
Q: What do you call 40 mexicans buried up to their neck in sand?
A: A spicket fence.
Q: What do you call a school bus full of black people?
A: A rotten banana.
Q: Why can't stevie wonder read?
A: Because he's black.
Q: How long does it take for a black woman to take a shit?
A: Nine months.
Q: What do you call a bunch of Mexicans in a swimming pool?
A: Bean dip.
Q: Whats the difference between a Catholic Priest and acne?
A: Acne doesn't come on a boys face untill after hes thirteen.
Q: What do you do when your dishwasher doesn't work?
A: Slap her.
Q. Did you hear about the new blonde paint?
A. It's not real bright, but its cheap, and spreads easy.
Q. What did the blonde’s left leg say to her right leg?
A. Between the two of us, we can make a lot of money.
Q. How does a blonde part their hair?
A. By doing the splits.
Q. What did the blondes right leg say to the left leg?
A. Nothing, they haven't met!
Q. Why do blondes wash their hair in the sink?
A. Because that's where your supposed to wash vegetables.
Q. What's a blondes favorite nursery rhyme?
A. Humpme Dumpme
Q. Why did the blonde like the car with a sunroof?
A. More leg-room!
Q. Why don't blondes use vibrators?
A. They chip their teeth.
Q. How does a blonde like her eggs in the morning?
A. Fertilized
Q. Why do blondes like tilt steering?
A. More headroom
Q. Why is a blonde like a doorknob?
A. Because everyone gets a turn.
Q. What's the difference between a blonde and a bowling ball?
A. You can only fit 3 fingers in a bowling ball.
Q. What does a screen door and a blonde have in common?
A. The more you bang it, the looser it gets!
Q. What do you call 20 blondes in a freezer?
A. Frosted Flakes
Q. What do you call a dumb blonde behind a steering wheel?
A. An airbag.
Q. How can you tell a blonde has had a bad day?
A. She has a tampon tucked under her ear and she can't find her pencil.
Q. What does the Bermuda Triangle and a blonde have in common?
A. They both swallowed a lot of semen.
Q. What's the difference between a blonde and an ironing board?
A. Its difficult to open the legs on an ironing board.
Q. How did the blonde burn her nose?
A. Bobbing for chips.
Q. What do you call a zit on a blondes ass?
A. Brain tumor.
Q. Why does a blonde insist on him wearing a condom?
A. So she can have a doggie bag for later.
Q. How would a blonde punctuate the following: "Fun fun fun worry worry worry"
A. Fun period fun period fun no period worry worry worry....
Q. Why is a blonde like an old washing machine?
A. Because they both drip when they're fucked!
Q. What does a blonde say after multiple orgasms?
A. "Way to go team!"
Q. What do you call a blonde with a runny nose?
A. FULL
Q. What happened to the blonde tap dancer?
A. She slipped off and fell down the drain.
Q. Why did the deaf blonde sit on the newspaper?
A. So she could lip read.
Q. Why is it good to have a blonde passenger?
A. You get to park in the handicap zone.
Q. What do you call a blonde with 2 brain cells?
A. Pregnant
Q. What's the difference between a blonde and a 747?
A. Not everyone has been in a 747?
Q. What's the difference between butter and a blonde?
A. Butter is difficult to spread.
Q. What do you do if a blonde throws a grenade at you?
A. Pull the pin and throw it back.
Q. What do you call it when a blonde dies her hair brunette?
A. Artificial intelligence.
Q. What do you call a blonde standing on her head?
A. A brunette with bad breath.
Q. What do blondes and cow shit have in common?
A. The older they get, the easier they are to pick up.
Q. How does a blond turn on the light after sex?
A. She opens the car door.
Q. What's the difference between a blonde and a mosquito?
A. When you smack the mosquito it stops sucking!!
Q. What does a blonde say the last two words of the national anthem are?
A. Play ball!
Q. What do smart blondes and UFO's have in common?
A. You always hear about them but never see them.
Q. Why did the blonde stare at the can of frozen orange juice?
A. Cause it said concentrate.
Q. What's the difference between a blonde and the Titanic?
A. They know how many went down on the Titanic.
Q. How can you tell if a blonde has been using your computer?
A. The joystick is wet.
Q. Why do blondes wear underwear?
A. To keep their ankles warm.
Q. What is a brunette between two blondes?
A. An interpreter.
Q. What's the difference between a blonde and a brick?
A. The brick doesn't follow you home after you lay it.
Q. Did you hear about the blonde that needed gas money?
A. She sold her car for it...
Q. What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant?
A. "Are you sure it's mine?"
Q. Why do blondes have bruised belly buttons?
A. Because they have blond boyfriends
Q. What do blondes and beer bottles have in common?
A. Their both empty from the neck up
Q. What does a blonde and a turtle have in common?
A. Get'em on their back and their both fucked.
Q. What do you call a blonde with pig tails?
A. A blow job with handlebars
Q. What do you call a blond with a brain?
A. A golden retriever.
Q. What do you call a blonde in the closet?
A. The 1984 hide and go seek champion.
Q. How can you tell that a blonde sent you a fax?
A. It has a stamp on it.
Q. What do you call a room full of blondes with PMS and yeast infections?
A. A wine and cheese party!
Q. How do you drown a blonde?
A. Put a scratch 'n sniff sticker at the bottom of a pool.
Q. Hear about the blonde that bought an AM radio?
A. It took her a month to figure out she could play it at night too.
Q. What did the blonde say when she saw the banana peel on the floor?
A. Oh no, I'm going to fall again!
Q. How can you tell a blonde has used your computer?
A. There is white out on the screen.
Q. Why are blondes like 7-Eleven stores?
A. Open 24 hours a day.
Q. Why did the blonde throw bread crumbs down the toilet?
A. To feed the toilet duck!
Q. What's the difference between a blonde and a pair of sun glasses?
A. The sun glasses sit higher on your face.
Q. Why do blondes always drink with straws?
A. Practice.
Q. Why do blondes put their hair in ponytails?
A. To cover the valve stem.
Q. Why should blondes not be given coffee breaks?
A. It takes too long to retrain them.
Q. What's the difference between a blonde and a guy?
A. The blonde has the higher sperm count.
Q. How is a blonde like peanut-butter?
A. They spread for the bread.
Q. What's the difference between a group of blondes and a good magician?
A. The magician has a cunning array of stunts.
Q. How can you tell if Michael Jackson has company?
A. There's a big wheel parked outside his house.
Q. What's the difference between Neil Armstrong and Michael Jackson?
A. One was the first to walk on the moon and the other fucks little boys up the ass.
Q. How does Michael Jackson pick his nose?
A. From a catalogue.
Q. Why did Michael Jackson place a phone call to Boyz-2-Men?
A. He thought it was a delivery service.
Q. What has 18 balls and 3 pubic hairs?
A. A Michael Jackson slumber party.
Q. Why does Hillary want to have sex with Bill Clinton first thing in the morning?
A. She wants to be the first lady.
Q. What's Bill Clinton's idea of safe sex?
A. When Hillary is out of town.
Q. Did you hear that Monica Lewinsky turned Republican?
A. The democrats left a bad taste in her mouth.
Q. How come Mike Tyson’s eye's water during sex?
A. Mace
Q. What does Ellen DeGeneris cook for dinner every night?
A. She doesn't, she eats out!
Q. Why can't the government put Magic Johnson on a stamp?
A. Everyone would be afraid to lick it.
Q. What's the difference between Christopher Reeves and OJ Simpson?
A. Christopher Reeves got the electric chair....and O.J walked!
Q. What's white and sticky and found on the bathroom wall?
A. George Michael's latest release.
Q. What do you call a man with a blackhead on his dick?
A. Hugh Grant.
Q. What's the difference between George Michael and a microwave oven?
A. A microwave stops when you open the door.
Q. How does Michael Jackson know its time for bed?
A. When the big hand is on the little hand.
Q. What's the difference between Michael Jackson and a plastic bag?
A. One is white, plastic and dangerous to young children, the other is a plastic bag.
Q. How did Helen Keller's mother punish her?
A. By rearranging the living-room furniture.
Q. What did Helen Keller do when she fell down the well?
A. She screamed her hands off.
Q. Why does Helen Keller masturbate with one hand?
A. So she can moan with the other.
Q. Why was Helen Keller's leg yellow?
A. Her dog was blind too.
Q. What did Helen Keller's parents do to punish her for swearing?
A. Washed her hands with soap.
Q. Why did Bill Clinton stop playing the saxophone?
A. He was too busy playing the hormonica.
Q. Do you know why Monica got a stain on her dress?
A. She didn't keep her mouth shut!
Q. What does Wal-Mart, Zellers and Michael Jackson have in common?
A. Boy's underwear half off.
Q. 100 Women Surveyed, "Would you have sex with Bill Clinton?"
A. 80% said not again.
Q. What's green and smells like Monica Lewinsky?
A. The pool table in the oval office.
Q. What does McDonald's and Michael Jackson have in common?
A. They both stick their meat in 13 year old buns.
Q. What does Bill Clinton and a country folk dancer have in common?
A. They both throw a ho down.
Q. Why did Bill Clinton name his new dog Buddy?
A. He couldn't bear to say "Come Spot... Come Spot!"
Q. What’s the difference between Bill and Monica.
A. One can’t come clean and the other one can't clean cum.
Q. What's Monica's favorite instrument?
A. She's good at the piano, but she sucks at the organ!
Q. How will everyone remember Bill Clinton in history?
A. The President after Bush
Q. What's the new game there playing in the White House?
A. Swallow the Leader
Q. Have you heard about Michael Jackson's new book?
A. It's called, "The In's and Out's of Child Rearing"
Q. What did the man on the beach say to Michael Jackson?
A. Get out of my sun!
Q. What did Michael Jackson say to Woody Allen?
A. Got two fives for a ten?
Q. How do Helen Keller's parents punish her?
A. By putting a plunger in the toilet.
Q. What is the name of Helen Keller's dog?
A. Nyah, nyu, yuh, yah.
Q. What is forty feet long and has eight teeth?
A. The front row at a Willie Nelson concert.
Q. What did Chelsea say when Hillary asked if she had sex yet?
A. "Not according to Dad."
Q. What's the difference between Bill Clinton and Santa Claus?
A. Some people still believe in Santa Claus.
Q. What's the difference between Hillary and Bill?
A. Hillary doesn't get caught.
Q. What's the difference between Michael Jackson and greyhound racing?
A. The greyhounds wait for the hairs to come out.
Q. What do you call 5 dogs with no balls?
A. The Spice Girls!
Q. What are the two worst things about Bill Clinton?
A. His face.
Q. What is the difference between Dan Quayle, Bill Clinton and Jane Fonda?
A. One has two boobs, the others *are* two boobs.
Q. How did Bill and Hillary Clinton meet?
A. They were dating the same girl in high school.
Q. Bill and Hillary and Al and Tipper takes a boat ride, the boat capsizes, who gets saved?
A. The United States of America!
Q. What does Hillary do after she shaves her pussy every morning?
A. Sends him to work!
Q. Why did all the faggots vote for Clinton?
A. Because faggots like assholes better than Bush.
Q. Why doesn't Bill like old houses?
A. He's afraid of the draft.
Q. When will there be a woman in the White House?
A. When Hillary leaves town.
Q. What does JFK Jr. miss most about Martha's Vineyard?
A. The runway.
Q. What was JFK Jr. drinking at the time of the crash?
A. Ocean Spray.
Q. How did JFK Jr. learn how to fly?
A. He took a crash course.
Q. What will it take to bring the Kennedy family back together?
A. One more mishap!
Q. Hear about Kennedy Airlines?
A. Their motto is "Your luggage will arrive before you do!"
Q. What has four legs and no ears?
A. Mike Tyson's dog.
Q. Why does Hillary always get on top?
A. Bill can only screw up.
Q. Did you hear about the latest JFK Jr. movie?
A. Its called Three Funerals and a Wedding.
Q. Why didn't JFK Jr. and his wife have a shower before getting on the plane?
A. They figured they would wash up on shore!
Q. What do you get when you cross Raquel Welch with Santa Claus?
A. A thank you from Santa!
Q. What does Woody Allen call an unborn baby?
A. A blind date.
Q. Did you see Dolly Parton’s new shoes?
A. Neither did she.
Q. What's brown and half eaten?
A. The Queen Mothers Easter egg.
Q. What's the difference between Michael and Connie Chung?
A. Michael's been able to have kids.
Q. What famous celebrity had the most children over the last 10 years?
A. Michael Jackson.
Q. Why does Michael Jackson arrange for private shopping?
A. So his guests won't be accompanied by guardians!
Q. What's the first problem the Michael's child will have in life?
A. Figuring out which parent is his mother.
Q. What makes Michael Jackson so unique?
A. It's the little boy inside him.
Q. How did Michael get in trouble?
A. He was feeling a little Randy.
Q. Why does Michael Jackson scream?
A. Because it hurts.
Q. What's the difference between Michael Jackson and Neil Armstrong?
A. Neil walked the moon, Michael Jackson... fucked little boys.
Q. Did you hear about Michael Jackson's new band?
A. It's called the Jackson Five and Under.
Q. What did Saddam say when he came out of his hole?
A. Did I beat David Blaine?
Q. What did the woman tell Michael Jackson at the beach?
A. Get out of my son!
Q. Why does Michael Jackson like twenty six year olds?
A. Cause there's twenty of them.
Q. What do a Rubix cube and a penis have in common?
A. The longer you play with them, the harder they get.
Q. What does an old woman have between her breasts that a young woman doesn't?
A. A navel.
Q. What is the difference between a woman and a washing machine?
A. You can bung your load in a washing machine and it won't call you a week later.
Q. Why did god create Adam before he created eve?
A. Because he didn't want anyone telling him how to make Adam.
Q. What is a lesbian's favorite thing to eat?
A. A Klondike Bar
Q. What did the elephant say to the naked man?
A. "How do you breath through something so small?"
Q. Why don't women wear watches?
A. There's a clock on the stove!
Q. What doesn't belong in this list : Meat, Eggs, Wife, Blowjob?
A. Blowjob: You can beat your meat, eggs or wife, but you can't beat a blowjob.
Q. Have you heard about the new super-sensitive condoms?
A. They hang around after the man leaves and talks to the woman.
Q. What's worse than getting raped by Jack the Ripper?
A. Getting fingered by Captain Hook.
Q. What do a walrus and Tupperware have in common?
A. They both like a tight seal.
Q. What's the difference between a wife and a wheelie bin?
A. You only have to take out a wheelie bin once a week.
Q. What did the two lesbian frogs say to each other?
A. WE DO TASTE LIKE CHICKEN!
Q. What did the banana say to the vibrator?
A. Why are you shaking she's going to eat me.
Q. What would happen if the Pilgrims had killed cats instead of turkeys?
A. We'd eat pussy every Thanksgiving.
Q. What's the difference between love and herpes?
A. Love doesn't last forever.
Q. How do you make your girlfriend scream while having sex?
A. Call her and tell her.
Q. A man noticed that his credit card had been stolen but didn't report it.
A. The thief was spending less then his wife.
Q. Why do women have small feet?
A. So they can stand closer to the kitchen sink.
Q. Why do men die before their wives?
A. They want to.
Q. How do men sort out their laundry?
A. Filthy, and filthy but wearable.
Q. What's the difference between a man and ET?
A. ET phoned home.
Q. Why haven't they sent a woman to the moon yet?
A. It doesn't need cleaning.
Q. Why is a pap smear called a pap smear?
A. Because women wouldn't do them if they were called cunt scrapes.
Q. What's the difference between your paycheck and your cock?
A. You don't have to beg your wife to blow your paycheck!
Q. What do you call kids born in whorehouses?
A. Brothel sprouts.
Q. What's the difference between a 40 year-old man, and a 40 year-old woman?
A. A 40 year-old woman dreams of having children, a 40 year-old man dreams of dating them.
Q. What's white, smells, and can be found in panties?
A. Clitty litter
Q. I married Miss Right.
A. I just didn't know her first name was "Always."
Q. Why is psychoanalysis quicker for men than for women?
A. When it's time to go back to his childhood, he's already there.
Q. How do you know when your cat's done cleaning himself?
A. He's smoking a cigarette.
Q. Did you hear about the constipated mathematician?
A. He worked it out with a pencil.
Q. Who's the world's greatest athlete?
A. The guy who finishes first and third in a masturbation contest.
Q. Why do men pay more for car insurance?
A. Women don't get blow jobs while they're driving
Q. Why do schools in West Virginia only have Drivers Ed two days a week?
A. Because they need their cars for Sex Ed the other three days a week!
Q. Three words to ruin a man's ego...
A. "Is it in?"
Q. What is the cheapest meat?
A. Deer balls, there under a buck.
Q. How does a guy know if he has a high sperm count?
A. If the girl has to chew, before she swallows.
Q. What's in the toilet of the star ship enterprise?
A. The captains log.
Q. What do you call a woman with her tongue sticking out?
A. A lesbian with a hard-on.
Q. What do you get when you cross Raggedy Ann and the Pillsbury Dough Boy?
A. A red headed bitch with a yeast infection.
Q. What do you call two lesbians with their period?
A. Finger painting.
Q. Did you hear they came out with a new lesbian shoe?
A. They're called Dikes. They have an extra long tongue and only take one finger to get off!
Q. What's the difference between tampons and cowboy hats?
A. Cowboy hats are for ass holes.
Q. What do you say to a virgin when she sneezes?
A. Goes-in-tight!
Q. How do you know when you are getting old?
A. When you start having dry dreams and wet farts.
Q. What's the definition of a Yankee?
A. Same thing as a ''quickie'', only you do it yourself.
Q. Why don't little girls fart?
A. Because they don't get assholes until they're married.
Q. Why do women stop bleeding when entering the menopause ?
A. Because they need all the blood for their varicose veins !
Q. What do Disney World & Viagra have in common?
A. They both make you wait an hour for a two minute ride.
Q. What's the definition of trust?
A. Two cannibals giving each other a blowjob.
Q. Why is it called a Wonder Bra?
A. When she takes it off, you wonder where her tits went.
Q. Why don't women blink during foreplay?
A. They don't have time.
Q. Why does it take 1 million sperm to fertilize 1 egg?
A. They don't stop for directions.
Q. Did you hear about the flasher who was thinking of retiring?
A. He decided to stick it out for one more year!
Q. Barking dog at the back door wanting in and your wife's yelling at the front wanting in. Which one do you let in?
A. The dog, once he's in, he shuts up!
Q. How do you know when your wife is really dead?
A. Your sex life is the same but your washing pile gets bigger.
Q. How do you turn a fox into an elephant
A. Marry it.
Q. How do you make five pounds of fat look good?
A. Give it a nipple.
Q. What do you call two lesbians in a canoe?
A. Fur traders.
Q. What do you call a virgin on a waterbed?
A. A cherry float.
Q. What does bungee jumping and hookers have in common?
A. They both cost a hundred bucks and if the rubber breaks, you're screwed.
Q. How did Pinocchio find out he was made of wood?
A. When his hand caught on fire.
Q. What’s better than a rose on your piano?
A. Tulips on your organ.
Q. What did Adam say to Eve?
A. Stand back, I don't know how big this thing gets!
Q. How do you get a nun pregnant?
A. Dress her up as an alter boy
Q. Why don't witches wear panties when flying on their broomsticks?
A. Better traction.
Q. What does parsley and pubic hair have in common?
A. Push it aside and keep on eating...
Q. How do you say 69 in Chinese?
A. Twocanchew (two can chew).
Q. How do you teach a blond math?
A. Subtract her clothes, divide her legs, and square root her.
Q. What did the pedophile say when he got out of jail?
A. I feel like a kid again!
Q. What's the last thing Tickle Me Elmo receives before he leaves the factory?
A. Two test tickles
Q. What is the definition of a menstrual period?
A. A bloody waste of fucking time.
Q. Why is a woman's pussy like a warm toilet seat?
A. They both feel good, but you wonder who was there before you.
Q. What is the first sign of AIDS?
A. A pounding sensation in the ass.
Q. What did Cinderella do when she got to the ball?
A. Gagged
Q. What is the Difference Between Pussy and Apple Pie?
A. You can eat your mom's apple pie.
Q. Why do women pierce their bellybutton?
A. Place to hang their air freshener.
Q. Did you hear Cher is joining the spice girls?
A. They're going to call her Old Spice.
Q. What is the difference between a clever midget and a venereal disease?
A. One is a cunning runt, and the other is a running cunt
Q. What do you do when your dishwasher stops working?
A. Yell at her.
Q. What's the difference between oral sex and anal sex?
A. Oral sex makes your day, anal sex makes your hole weak.
Q. What do women and police cars have in common?
A. They both make a lot of noise to let you know they are coming.
Q. Why do female skydivers wear jock straps?
A. So they don't whistle on the way down.
Q. Why did the woman cross the road?
A. Never mind that, what the fuck is she doing out of the kitchen?
Q. Why do women have 2% more brains then a cow?
A. So, when you pull their tits they won't shit on the floor.
Q. Why can't women read maps?
A. Because only the male mind can comprehend the concept of 1 inch equals a mile.
Q. What's a virgin and a balloon have in common ?
A. All it takes is one prick and its all over.
Q. What's the difference between your wife and your job?
A. After five years your job will still suck.
Q. What do you get when you cross a rooster and peanut butter?
A. A cock that sticks to the roof of your mouth.
Q. Why did God create alcohol?
A. So ugly people would have a chance to have sex.
Q. What is it when a man talks dirty to a woman?
A. Sexual harassment.
Q. What is it when a woman talks dirty to a man?
A. $3.99 a minute.
Q. Why do women prefer old gynecologists?
A. Their shaky hands!
Q. What is better than a cold Bud?
A. A warm bush.
Q. What do you do if your girlfriend starts smoking?
A. Slow down and use some lubricant.
Q. Why are women like Kentucky Fried Chicken?
A. After you've finished with the thigh and breasts, all you have left is a greasy box to put your bone in.
Q. What does a bull do to stay warm on a bitterly cold day?
A. He goes into the barn and slips into a nice warm "Jersey"
Q. What do you call an open can of tuna in a lesbians apartment?
A. Potpourri
Q. What does tightrope walking and getting a blowjob from Grandma have in common ?
A. You don't look down.
Q. Who can make more money in a week, a drug dealer or a prostitute?
A. The prostitute because she can wash and resell her crack.
Q. How are women and linoleum floors alike?
A. You lay them right the first time and you can walk all over them for the next 20 years.
Q. How are a lawyer and a prostitute different?
A. The prostitute stops fucking you after you're dead.
Q. What has one hundred balls and screws old ladies?
A. Bingo
Q. What is a zebra?
A. 26 sizes larger than an "A" bra.
Q. What did the blind man say as he passed the fish market?
A. Good morning Girls
Q. What's the difference between a woman and a fridge?
A. A fridge doesn't fart when you pull your meat out!
Q. How does a man show that he is planning for the future?
A. He buys 2 cases of beer instead of one.
Q. How is being at a singles bar different than being at the circus?
A. At the circus, the clowns don't talk.
Q. Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
A. Breasts don't have eyes.
Q. How many newspapers can a woman hold between her legs?
A. One Post, two Globes, and many Times.
Q. What's the difference between a whore and a bitch?
A. Whore's fuck everyone at the party, Bitches fuck everyone at the party except you.
Q. Did ya hear about the new "morning after" pill for men?
A. It works by changing your blood type!!
Q. What do you call a truck full of dildos?
A. Toys for Twats
Q. How do you get four old ladies to shout "Fuck"?
A. Get a fifth old lady to shout "Bingo!"
Q. What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
A. After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.
Q. What is the difference between a female snowman and a male snowman?
A. Snowballs.
Q. How many men does it take to open a beer bottle?
A. None It should be open when she brings it to you
Q. What's the difference between pink and purple?
A. The grip!
Q. What do you call it when a 90 year old man masturbates successfully?
A. Miracle whip.
Q. What's the definition of macho?
A. Jogging home from your own vasectomy.
Q. What do a clitoris, an anniversary, and a toilet have in common?
A. Men always miss them.
Q. What does do women and milk cartons have in common?
A. You gotta open the flaps to get to the good stuff.
Q. Why do bunnies have soft sex?
A. They have cotton balls
Q. What happens when you kiss a canary?
A. You get chirpes, it can't be tweeted because its a canarial disease.
Q. What does the receptionist at the sperm clinic say to clients as they are leaving?
A. Thanks for coming.
Q. How do you know when you honeymoon is over?
A. When he no longer smiles as he scrapes the burnt toast.
Q. What do a gynaecologist and a pizza delivery boy have in common?
A. They can both smell it, but can't eat it.
Q. You know why they say that eating oysters will improve a man's sex life?
A. Because women know if he'll eat one of those, he'll eat anything!
Q. Why does a bride smile when she's walking down the aisle?
A. She knows she's given her last blow job.
Q. Why is the space between a woman's breasts and her hips called a waist?
A. Because you could easily fit another pair of tits in there.
Q. What is the definition of "making love"?
A. Something a woman does while a guy is fucking her.
Q. What's the only animal with an asshole in the middle of its back?
A. A police horse.
Q. What does it mean when the flag at the Post Office is flying at half mast?
A. They're hiring.
Q. Did you hear Richard Simmons had plastic surgery to get his love handles removed?
A. Yeah...now he has no ears.
Q. Do you know how to eat a frog?
A. You put one leg over each ear.
Q. How are fat girls and mopeds alike?
A. They are fun to ride but you don't want your friends to find out.
Q. How do you fuck a fat chick?
A. Roll her in flour and find the wet spot.
Q. Why is it difficult to find men who are sensitive, caring, and good looking?
A. They already have boyfriends.
Q. What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog.
A. After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.
Q. Why is sleeping with a man like a soap opera?
A. Just when it's getting interesting, they're finished until next time.
Q. What do you call a guy who never farts in public?
A. A private tutor.
Q. What do you call a musician without a girlfriend?
A. Homeless.
Q. What has 2 grey legs and 2 brown legs?
A. An elephant with diarrhea.
Q. Why did the Avon lady walk funny?
A. Her lipstick
Q. What does the cannibal do just after he dumped his girlfriend?
A. Wiped his ass.
Q. What is the smallest hotel in the world?
A. A pussy, cause you have to leave the bags outside.
Q. What do a toilet and a woman have in common?
A. Without the hole in the middle they aren't good for shit.
Q. How can you tell a tough lesbian bar?
A. Even the pool table has no balls.
Q. How do you find a blind man in a nudist colony?
A. It's not hard.
Q. What do you call a lesbian with fat fingers?
A. Well hung.
Q. What two words will clear out a men's changing room quicker than anything else?
A. Nice dick!
Q. How do you know when a Barbie has her period?
A. All your tic tacks are gone.
Q. What happened to the Pope when he went to Mount Olive?
A. Popeye almost killed him!
Q. How can you tell a head nurse?
A. She's the one with the dirty knees!
Q. What do you call three lesbians in bed together?
A. Ménage é twat.
Q. What do you call hemorrhoids on a fag?
A. Speed bumps.
Q. What is the lightest thing in the world?
A. A penis...even a thought can raise it.
Q. What do gay kids get for Christmas?
A. Erection Sets.
Q. Where do fags park?
A. In the rear.
Q. Difference between a man buying a lottery ticket and a man fighting with his wife...
A. A man has a chance at winning at the lottery.
Q. What does a female snail say during sex?
A. Faster, faster, faster!
Q. What is the noisiest thing in the world?
A. Two skeletons screwing on a tin roof.
Q. What's red and blue with a long string?
A. A smurfette with her period.
Q. What do you call an adolescent rabbit?
A. A pubic hair.
Q. Define "Egghead:"
A. What Mrs. Dumpty gives to Humpty.
Q. How can you tell if you have acne?
A. If the blind can read your face.
Q. Did you know they just discovered a new use for sheep in New Zealand?
A. Wool!
Q. What's a necrophiliac's biggest complaint about sex?
A. They just kinda lay there.
Q. What did the woman say to her swimming instructor?
A. "Will I really drown if you take your finger out?"
Q. Why did the lumber truck stop?
A. To let the lumber jack off.
Q. Why did the woman get thrown out of the riding stable?
A. She wanted to mount the horse her way.
Q. Hey, what's sticky, white and falls from the sky?
A. The cumming of the Lord
Q. How did the tugboat get AIDS?
A. It was rear-ended by a ferry.
Q. How can you tell a sumo wrestler from a feminist?
A. A Sumo wrestler shaves his legs.
Q. What's the difference between a bandleader and a gynecologist?
A. A bandleader fucks his singers and a gynecologist sucks his fingers.
Q. Do you know what the square root of 69 is?
A. Ate something.
Q. What is the difference between "Oooh!" and "Aaah!"?
A. About three inches.
Q. What do you do in case of fallout?
A. Put it back in and take shorter strokes!
Q. Why do women have two holes so close together?
A. In case you miss.
Q. When does a Cub Scout become a Boy Scout?
A. When he eats his first Brownie
Q. How can you tell when an auto mechanic just had sex?
A. One of his fingers is clean.
Q. Why does a penis have a hole in the end?
A. So men can be open minded.
Q. What's the biggest fish in the world?
A. A hore, if you catch one you can eat her for months.
Q. How can you tell if your girlfriend wants you?
A. When you put your hand down her pants and it feels like you're feeding a horse.
Q. Have you heard about the new 'Mint flavored birth control pill for women that they take immediately before sex?
A. They're called 'Predickamints'
Q. What is the difference between a golf ball and a g-spot?
A. Men will spend two hours searching for a golf ball.
Q. What's the difference between a toad and a horny toad?
A. One goes "ribbit" the other goes "rub it".'
Q. Did you hear about the guy who finally figured out women?
A. He died laughing before he could tell anybody.
Q. What's the difference between Mad Cow disease and PMS?
A. Nothing.
Q. How do you confuse a female archaeologist?
A. Give her a used tampon and ask her what period it's from.
Q. Why does the bride always wear white?
A. Well aren't all kitchen appliances that colour?
Q. What's the difference between parsley and pussy?
A. Nobody eats parsley.
Q. What's green, slimy and smells like Miss Piggy?
A. Kermit's Finger
Q. What do you do with 365 used rubbers?
A. Melt them down, make a tire, and call it a Goodyear.
Q. What's the difference between sin and shame?
A. It is a sin to put it in, but it's a shame to pull it out.
Q. What's the speed limit of sex?
A. 68 because at 69 you have to turn around.
Q. What's the ultimate rejection?
A. When you're masturbating and your hand falls asleep.
Q. Why did Raggedy Anne get thrown out of the toy box?
A. Because she kept sitting on Pinocchio's face moaning, "Lie to me!"
Q. Why is air a lot like sex?
A. Because it's no big deal unless you're not getting any.
Q. What did the egg say to the boiling water?
A. "How can you expect me to get hard so fast? I just got laid a minute ago."
Q. What did the potato chip say to the battery?
A. If you're Eveready, I'm Frito Lay.
Q. What's the best thing about a blow job?
A. Ten minutes of silence!
Q. What's the difference between a lesbian and a Ritz cracker?
A. Ones a snack cracker, and the others a crack snacker!
Q. What's another name for pickled bread?
A. Dill-dough
Q. Why did Frosty the Snowman pull down his pants?
A. He heard the snow blower coming.
Q: What do you call a lesbian dinosaur?
A: Lickalotopuss.
Q. What do the spice girls and a pack of M+Ms have in common?
A. There are assorted colors, but they all taste the same.
Q. What do you call an Amish guy with his hand up a horses ass?
A. A Mechanic.
Q. What do you call an Alabama farmer with a sheep under each arm?
A. Pimp.
Q. What do Eskimos get from sitting on the ice too long?
A. Polaroids.
Q. Why are women are like tires?
A. There's always a spare.
Q. What's brown and sits on a piano bench?
A. Beethoven's First Movement.
Q. What do you call a nun with a sex change operation?
A. A tran-sister.
Q. What did one gay sperm say to the other gay sperm?
A. I can't see a thing with all this shit in here!
Q. Why do women wear black underwear?
A. They are mourning for the stiff they buried the night before.
Q. How do you know when a male porn star is at the gas station?
A. Right before the gas stops pumping he pulls out the nozzle and sprays it all over the car.
Q. What is the difference between a hockey game and a High School reunion?
A. At a hockey game you see fast pucks.
Q. What do you call a vegetarian with diarrhea?
A. A salad shooter
Q. What is the difference between a bachelor and a married man?
A. Bachelor comes home, sees what's in the refrigerator, goes to bed. Married man comes home, sees what's in the bed,
and goes to the refrigerator.
Q. Why did the boy fall off the swing?
A. He didn't have any arms.
Q. What's the definition of eternity?
A. The time between when you cum and she leaves.
Q. What's gray, sits at the bed and takes the piss?
A. A kidney dialysis machine.
Q. What do you call a female police officer that shaves her pubic hair?
A. Cunt Stubble.
Q. Why do only 10% of women go to heaven?
A. Because if they all went, it would be hell.
Q. What goes: "CLICK -is that it? CLICK -is that it? CLICK -is that it?"
A. A blind person with a rubix cube.
Q. Why did God invent yeast infection?
A. So women know what it feels like to live with an annoying cunt.
Q. Did you hear about the two gay guys that had an argument in the bar?
A. They went outside to exchange blows.
Q. Why did the gay guy think his lover was cheating on him?
A. He came home shit faced.
Q. What do you get when you cross a rooster with a flea?
A. An itchy cock.
Q. Why is a Laundromat a bad place for a guy to pick up women?
A. Women who can't even afford a washing machine will never be able to support you.
Q. Why are roach clips called roach clips?
A. Because "pot holder" was already taken.
Q. What's the worst part about getting a lung transplant?
A. The first couple of times you cough, its not your phlegm...
Q. Why do women have arms?
A. Have you any idea how long it would take to LICK a bathroom clean?
Q. Why is being in the military like a blowjob?
A. The closer you get to discharge, the better you feel.
Q. What's the bad news about being a test tube baby?
A. You know for sure that your dad is a wanker.
Q. How are men like noodles?
A. They're always in hot water, they lack taste, and they need dough.
Q. Why don't Canadians have group sex?
A. Too many thank-you letters to write afterwards.
Q. Why are hangovers better than women?
A. Hangovers will go away.
Q. How many honest, intelligent, caring men in the world does it take to do the dishes?
A. Both of them.
Q. What's the difference between a 'Spice Girls' video and a porn video?
A. The porn video has better music!
Q. What's the best part of having a homeless girlfriend?
A. You can drop her off where ever you want!
Q. What do you find in a clean nose?
A. Fingerprints!
Q. Did you hear about the blind circumcicionist?
A. He got the sack.
Q. Did you hear about the gay guy that's on the patch?
A. He's down to four butts a day.
Q. Did you hear about the kid napping?
A. Yeah, he woke up!
Q. Did you hear that the new and politically correct name for "lesbian".
A. It has been changed to "vagitarian".
Q. What's the definition of "Tender Love?"
A. Two gays with haemorrhoids.
Q. Did you hear about the two poofters who went to London?
A. They were REALLY pissed off when they found out Big Ben was a clock.
Q. What does a poof and an ambulance have in common?
A. They both get loaded from the rear and go whoo-whoo!
Q. How can you tell if you are in a gay amusement park?
A. They issue gerbils at the tunnel of love.
Q. Did you know 70% of the gay population were born that way?
A. The other 30% were sucked into it.
Q. Hear about the new gay sitcom?
A. "Leave it, it's Beaver."
Q. Did you hear about the gay rabbit?
A. He found a hare up his ass.
Q. How can you tell if a novel is homosexual?
A. The hero always gets his man in the end.
Q. How can you tell if a Western is homosexual?
A. All the good guys are hung.
Q. Why can't scientists find a cure for AIDS?
A. They can't get the laboratory mice to arse fuck.
Q. Why did the gay man take two aspirin with his Viagra?
A. So sex wouldn't be such a pain in the arse.
Q. Did you hear about the two gay judges?
A. They tried each other.
Q. Did you hear about the gay truckers?
A. They exchanged loads.
Q. What do you call a gay bar with no bar stools?
A. A fruit stand!
Q. What's the biggest crime committed by transvestites?
A. Male fraud.
Q. What's the difference between a hamster and a cow?
A. Cows survive the branding.
Q. What do a nearsighted gynaecologist and a puppy have in common?
A. A wet nose.
Q. Why does a dog lick its penis?
A. Because it can't make a fist.
Q. What do you call a hillbilly who owns sheep and goats.
A. Bisexual.
Q. What's yellow and green and eats nuts?
A. Gonorrhoea.
Q. Have you heard about the new line of Tampax with bells and tinsel?
A. It's for the Christmas period.
Q. How is a pussy like a grapefruit?
A. The best ones squirt when you eat them.
Q. A brunette, a blonde and a redhead are all in fifth grade. Who has the biggest tits?
A. The blonde, because she's 18.
Q. How do you tell if a chick's too fat to fuck?
A. When you pull her pants down and her ass is still in them.
Q. How can you tell she's a macho women?
A. She rolls her own tampons.
Q. Why did god give men penises?
A. So they'd always have at least one way to shut a woman up!
Q. Did you hear about the Easter egg hunt for the Alzheimer's patients?
A. They hid their own eggs!
Q. What's the hottest thing in the world?
A. Two rats fucking in a wool sock.
Q. What do your parents' car and testicles have in common?
A. Hit either one of them and you're grounded.
Q. What do you get when you cross a brassiere with Texas?
A. Playtex.
Q. What do you call a herd of cows masturbating?
A. Beef strokin' off.
Q. What's female Viagra?
A. Jewellery
Q. What do you call an anorexic prostitute?
A. Lite & Easy
Q. Why doesn't Smokey the bear have any kids?
A. Because every time his wife gets hot, he covers her with dirt and beats her with a shovel.
Q. What's the difference between the San Diego Padres and a Prostitute?
A. Nothing, they both suck!
Q. Did you hear about the new Exorcist Movie?
A. They got the Devil to come in to take the Priest out of the child.
Q. How many animals can you get into a pair of tights?
A. 10 little piggies, 2 calves, 1 beaver, 1 ass, 1 pussy, thousands of hares and a dead fish no one can ever find.
Q. What's soft and warm when you go to bed, but hard and stiff when you wake up?
A. Vomit
Q. How can you tell if you eat pussy well?
A. You wake up in the morning with a face like a glazed doughnut and a beard like an unwashed paintbrush.
Q. Did you hear about the male prostitute who got leprosy?
A. He did okay until his business fell off.
Q. What's the best thing about marrying a woman with leprosy?
A. She can only give you lip once!
Q. If they bring shrimp home on shrimp boats, fish home on fish boats, and clams home on clam boats, what do they bring
crabs home on?
A. The Captains Dinghy!
Q. What does 70 year old pussy taste like?
A. Depends!
Q. What should you give a man who has everything?
A. A woman to show him how to use it.
Q. Why do black widow spiders kill their males after mating?
A. To stop the snoring before it starts.
Q. Why don't men have mid-life crises?
A. They stay stuck in adolescence.
Q. What's the difference between men and government bonds?
A. Bonds mature.
Q. What do you do with a bachelor who thinks he is God's gift?
A. Exchange him.
Q. What did the guy say to his dick after he found that the girl he's getting ready to fuck has genital warts?
A. "Hang on, boy! It's gonna be a bumpy ride!"
Q. Why does it take longer to build a blond snowman?
A. Because you have to hollow the head out.
Q. What is the only game in which the more you lose, the more you have to show for it?
A. Strip Poker
Q. What do you call a van with 5 faggots in it?
A. The aids team.
Q. What did the boy vampire say to the girl vampire?
A. See you next period.
Q. What's the hardest thing about a sex change operation?
A. Inserting the anchovies.
Q. What do you do in case of fallout?
A. Put it back in and take shorter strokes.
Q. What do you call a female clown?
A. A Clunt
Q. How did the gay break his leg at the golf course?
A. He fell off the ball washer!
Q. Why do horny women order at Subway?
A. Footlongs
Q. What is the definition of a perfect lover?
A. A man with a nine inch tongue who can breath through his ears.
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